Are you married? Tips for women traveling solo.

I recently returned from five months of volunteering in Asia.

You will never meet a bigger advocate of traveling solo. Women, men, old people, young people...traveling alone is a unique type of exploration. I think everyone should do it once. That being said, if you are a single woman traveling alone in a developing country, bring your fake ring and your A game.

In Nepal, I taught English to high school students for a few weeks in Kathmandu. Naturally, I didn't want to look like a loser eating alone every day so I tried to befriend some of the other teachers. When, on my very first day, I was invited by 3 male colleagues to the bench [a literal bench which is their version of a cafeteria], I jumped at the opportunity. After spending a few weeks in Nepal, I should have anticipated what was to come. I'm going to transcribe the "get to know you" chat starting with the first word:

Nepali 1: Are you married?

Erin: [laughs] No, I'm not married.

Nepali 2: How old are you?

Erin: I'm 31.

Nepali 1: That's old not to be married. Why aren't you married?

Erin: [Because underneath my clothes, my entire body is made of scales.] Well, [if you must know] marriage hasn't been at the top of my list of things to do over the last few years.

Nepali 3: Do you want to marry a Nepali person? [as he lowers his eyes to my chest, which is well concealed]

Erin: No.

Nepali 3: Do you have a boyfriend?

Erin: Yes. [like I would say no to you vultures]

Nepali 2: Well then, you are single like us. We're single too.

Erin: You don't say.

This conversation would repeat itself every few days.

That is, until I bought a cheap silver ring and began disguising myself as [dramatic pause] a married person. Am I ashamed that I sold out? Hell, no. I have to have that conversation bi-annually with my grandmother and frankly, that's enough. I'm headed back to Nepal in a few weeks to build a school in a rural village and I'm thinking about sticking a few photos of my friends' kids in my wallet for added affect.

Chris Brogan recently wrote an excellent blog about the power of story in writing and in our lives. He said, "It's about living a better story." Ladies, if you are about to travel the world alone, you know you have the best story of all. And, go without the ring for a few weeks to bring a few laugh-out-loud stories home.

But be ready. The vultures are waiting.

Written and contributed by Edge of Seven
www.edgeofseven.org

Posted by: Edge of Seven

on 3 April 2010

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I agree

Submitted by annaheimbichner on Thu, 15/04/2010 - 01:55.

Hi!

I so agree with your posting! I recently trekked halfway across Africa and the first question out of literally everyone I met's mouth was whether I was married. Even...

at 26 I was deemed "too old to be single" and was therefore courted heavily, which annoyed me. Though I never wore a fake ring I started pulling out photos of me and my (now ex) boyfriend, and would wax on about how happy we were together and how sad I was that he had to miss "this great vacation we'd both planned for so long"--ha! I always thought the question was too personal to ask someone you just met but it's really just a cultural difference, and I soon got used to telling my little story. Thanks!

Totally

Submitted by Raju (not verified) on Thu, 15/04/2010 - 18:57.

I'm a grown up man from Nepal and I totally understand the story. You did the right thing. See, lots of foreigner who fantasize and romanticize exotic places like Nepal really...

do not understand the people, they're NOT all Buddha-ish, nirvana loving, peaceful people. Our people are freaks and scary, so are certain aspects of our culture. I speak honestly here. Let us see how many vultures will come to defend and say I'm wrong. But the reality will not change. We are opportunist, corrupt people who believe in flying monkey god, we grow up with no respect for the person next (yeah....loving and respecting parents ONLY will not develop a society) and yet somehow we are taught that Westerns are moral-less and inferior, all taught by idiot parents who never bothered to step outside of the country. We'll treat tourist with a bit of "Namaste" initially but deep inside, we really do not care, mostly thinking to rip off or take advantage of.
I'm sorry that you went there to volunteer and in return had to face the vultures. I hope you keep up the good deeds and not give upon us. See, as long as you keep a distance and keep a vigilant eye, it should be fine. We're bad, but there are worst place than Nepal.

Hello! Interesting read.

Submitted by Vulture (not verified) on Thu, 15/04/2010 - 20:39.

Hello!

Interesting read. Being a Male Nepali, let me explain a few things to you.

People generally tend to get married at an earlier age than 31 in Nepal, so that...

interest or curiosity itself might not have to do with the "Vulturish" nature itself. As far as the looks you bestowed on your "concealed" chest, I am sorry about that, no man should treat a women like a piece of meat.

Having said that:

It is no shock that foreigners are exotic to the natives. "Asian fetish" is common example in the United States, almost every concealed body of an asian woman(Asian American in most cases) is stared upon by male Americans of all age and sexand may I add race(I do not know if you are an American, but you definitely sound like someone who resides west of the gulf). At a comparable frame of mind is"Latina Fetish","Phillipina Fetish".. and the list goes on. I live in the United States so I have seen this happen everyday at the workplace, at a supermarket, at the street and everywhere else.

But the reason I bothered writing this whole thing is because you have a condescending tone towards Nepalese in your article. I am sure you totally do not dislike the people of Nepal or even the male population, else why would you be going back to build a school at a rural spot? (unless you are a missionary and have a quota to fulfill, sorry but this is rampant in Nepali Villages).

Next time the "chest" incident happens to you, don't tell them that you are married, confront them, nicely , explain why you are single and the norms of <--Name of your culture here-->. Tell them that you think they are your friends/colleagues and have a lot of respect for them, and you would want them to have the same for you. Sometimes cultural differences are hard to sort out and a little chat generally helps.. If they still continue this then come back and tell us and I will thank you for at least trying to get to know my people.

Nepali.

P.S. I whole heartedly disagree with Raju's self righteous hatred, the Nepal I was born in, we definitely cared about a foreigner, especially the one that come over with helping hands.

Something else what people don't understand...

Submitted by Melvin on Fri, 16/04/2010 - 09:55.

Thanks for the comments! Very interesting to read of the different thinking....

I think so too, that it's good to talk about different cultures openly. But if you get...

asked again & again, it can get a bit tiring. :)
So it helps to have a good story in hand & have an open discussion when it fits in.

There was something else we always were confronted with... when traveling in Asia & Africa. For many it's hard to understand that people travel for joy! For many travel means for work or back home from work.

Luckily my joy of travel has always have to do something with Traveldudes, so that I can say that I travel for work. ;-)

I can understand, that for some it's hard to understand that there are some people on the world who can afford to travel for fun. We should share a bit more on the world, that also others could get of the benefit of travel for joy in future!

Cheers

Melvin

& thanks for sharing your travel tip, Edge of Seven!

Comments

Submitted by edgeofseven (not verified) on Fri, 16/04/2010 - 13:44.

Thanks so much for your comments.

To Vulture, I have to apologize completely if I had a condescending tone to the article. My intention was to make this topic more...

light so that when other women face similar situations, they can laugh rather than taking it personally.

I spent months in Nepal and consider it to be one of the most fantastic places in this world. That goes for the people and the scenery. I was welcomed into several families homes immediately and without hestiation like I'd always been a member of the family. This does not happen in the U.S., where I am from.

I was inspired on a daily basis by the sense of community that Nepali people foster. It made me want to change how I live my life back at home. And once I got to know the people and the culture, I understood why I received the "are you married" question regularly. Like you said, people marry at a MUCH younger age.

Very best,
Edge of Seven

Bridget Jones

Submitted by Jerri (not verified) on Tue, 20/04/2010 - 05:51.

Love the Bridget Jones reference! :) I've never been questioned while traveling why I wasn't married but get it a lot when I'm back home. I can assure you that you'd have the...

same conversations with people in my hometown in West Texas.

Ring or No ring, vultures await

Submitted by Jennie (not verified) on Wed, 21/04/2010 - 11:51.

It seems as if the ring does not always help! I attend a number of Travel and Tourism functions and somehow there always seems to be someone a little more interested in me...

rather than the Tours I promote!

Hope your next trip to Nepal goes very well, now that your more solo-savvy!

Thanks for a great read.

Right on, honey.

Submitted by Everywhereist (not verified) on Wed, 16/06/2010 - 19:03.

I take it one step further - I am married, and I do wear a ring, but I've found that doesn't detract a lot of men (especially not in Naples). So I've started saying that my...

husband is back at my hotel, and I need to meet him very soon. That generally works.

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Are you married? Tips for women traveling solo.

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I agree

Totally

Hello! Interesting read.

Something else what people don't understand...

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Bridget Jones

Ring or No ring, vultures await

Right on, honey.

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